Chapter 1: Receptive Hostilities (Wait, that’s not right…)

A few months ago, Sonic and his friends (and Amy) were invading Eggman’s oddly shaped spaceship with help from the military (why they didn’t do that in the first game is a mystery to me).

Sonic: C’mon, step it up! Wait, that’s not right… Get him!

Knuckles: Echidna PAUNCH!

Knuckles punches Eggman.

Eggman: PINGAS!

Sonic: That’s NO good! No one has the right to touch you in a way or place that makes you feel uncomfortable!

Eggman: In… too… much… pain… to… take in… advice…

Tails: Will you idiots stop messing around?! I’m trying to sabotage his ship here!

Knuckles: How hard can it be, you’re just gonna pull some wires out of place!

Tails: Yeah but when I talk about it, I make it sound harder than it is and then I get to lord it over you because I’m a super-genius. You see, when my mom was pregnant with me-

Tails goes on to talk about how he got so smart, when Knuckles goes over and pulls out the wires.

Knuckles: Well look at that, I guess I’m smart too.

Tails: … You’re mean.

Amy: Yeah-

Sonic: You’re not supposed to talk.

Amy: …

Sonic: Good. Now come on guys let’s go.

The four animals hop into Tails’ plane and it flies away.

Tails: Squadala, we are off!

Eggman: NOOO!!! MY CARRIER! MY CITY! MY PLANS! MY TOASTER! I HATE THAT HEDGEHOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Big explosion. Months later on the other side of the world, Sonic is running and informing all the small creatures he passes that he’s faster than them.

Sonic: YOU’RE TOO SLOW! YOU’RE TOO SLOW! YOU’RE TOO SLOW!

Sonic’s invisible earphone rings. It goes into a Codec conversation like in Metal Gear.

SONIC: Colonel?
TAILS: No Sonic, this is Tails. You gotta hurry back here! There’s big trouble!
SONIC: Mind telling me what it is?
TAILS: No that has to wait until gameplay.
SONIC: All right I’ll be right- (explosion)
Tails: Sonic, what happened? Sonic? Sonic?! SO- Eh, he’ll be fine.

Sonic makes it to Green Hill Zone.

Sonic: Okay now what happened again?

Tails’ voice: Knuckles was kidnapped by some guys we called “Marauders” and they took the Chaos Emeralds.

Sonic: Come on! Isn’t there ANY other treasure in the world for people to want? It’s always the Chaos Emeralds! Why can’t it be something else for once?!

Tails’ voice: Calm down already. Amy’s coming to meet you just head to Central City. My shop is there.

Sonic: Okay then.

Sonic runs along the loop nearby and floats on the raft to the main part of Green Hill Zone.

Mr. Woodward: What about helping me?

Sonic: I don’t care!

An armadillo attacks Sonic.

Sonic: Ow! An Enraged Armadillo!

Tails’ voice: No worse. It’s an ENGAGED Armadillo!

Sonic: So?

Tails’ voice: It’ll go even harder on you to reassure its mate that it’s the one that the mate wants to marry!

Sonic: … I don’t have time for this!

Sonic zips through the rest of Green Hill Zone. Meanwhile the “Marauder”, a weird black thing, pushes some blocks over the edge. Sonic runs into them.

Sonic: Ow! I’m surprised I didn’t go so fast that I’d break them…

Amy runs up and hammers the blocks.

Amy: -

Sonic: I said no talking!

Amy: …

The Marauder appears.

Marauder: Stop! Shade has ordered me to-

Sonic: Blah, blah, blah!

Sonic Spinballs himself into the Marauder.

Marauder: All your family members-

Marauder disappears.

Sonic: Tails did you get any of that?

Tails’ voice: Not really since you just beat him up as soon as he appeared. But he did seem to mention someone named, “Shade”. I wonder who she was.

Sonic: Question. Even though the players know that Shade is a girl, how exactly were we supposed to know? Shouldn’t it be a mystery? I mean Shade isn’t exactly a gender-specific name.

Tails’ voice: … You know what? I have no idea. Just get over here!

Sonic and Amy go to Central City, where they meet Rouge.

Rouge: Sorry but I can’t let you further without Tails!

Sonic: What? Why? And even though I could probably just run past you and you’d never catch me, I think I’ll just abide by your rule. So I repeat, why?

Rouge: … I forgot. But its his show now so you have to have him.

Sonic: His show?! How?! Why should Tails get any fame to himself! It’s not like Luigi ever got any!

(Luigi’s Mansion…)

Rouge: Just get him. Or stay outside the city for all I care.

Sonic: Fine! Stupid no-good, thieving bat always wanting me to-

A moment later he slams the door open and walks into Tails’ shop.

Sonic: saying, “Sonic do this!” “Sonic do-

Tails: Sonic!

Sonic: Oh hi Tails. Rouge is such a-

Tails: G-rated.

Sonic: “G”?!

Tails: Well not G… Maybe E10+ at least though.

Sonic: Well come on it’s time for you to join the party.

Tails: Okay. Let me just- Whoa!

Sonic grabs Tails by his tails and dashes outside past Rouge and into the GUN HQ.

Rouge: Wait up!

Rouge flies after them and Amy follows.

To be continued.