RRV: Mary Sue Rant

(A man in a red jacket, an arcade Donkey Kong shirt, blue pants, and black shoes is sitting on a couch in a living room.)

Randy.: I feel like ranting. But what is there to rant about? Twilight? No, all that needed to be said was said in the fan brat rant. Jonas Bros.? No, I think they're being phased out by new "talent" so no one remembers them. High School Musical? It's over, there's no point. Justin Bieber? I don't even know who he is, so I'd just be blindly bashing and that's ignorant. My Immortal? It's just a joke. People saying "natch" instead of "naturally"? Too soon. Dang, what is there to rant about?! I've gotten most things that really anger me the most out of the way! Hmm…

Camerawoman's voice: How about-

Randy: Shush, you're just filling in for the cameraman until he comes back from the cornfield.

Camerawoman: …

Randy: Ah! I've got it!


"I'm on the Nightrain!
And I'm lookin' for some!
I'm on the Nightrain!
So's I can leave this slum!
I'm on the Nightrain!
And I'm ready to crash an' buuuuurn!!!!!
Nightrain!
Bottoms up!
I'm on the Nightrain!
Fill my cup!
I'm on the Nightrain!
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh yeah!"

RRV - RANT

Randy: Fan fiction. This is when you have a person in real life, typing up a story that takes place within a book or a TV show or a video game or whatever. But sometimes the author doesn't do it right. What do I mean? They insert themselves into the story and change everything! Even how the characters are supposed to act!

…

Now… my belief is that one of the cardinal sins of fan fiction is for the characters to be grossly out of character… Unless it's supposed to be funny. If it's a comedy, then by all means, go ahead. But if this is supposed to be a serious story, you'd better have a darn good explanation for why Character X is acting like the opposite version of himself! There are some things by the fan community that are written in fan fiction that aren't in the official work, but are close enough to the real thing that it's acceptable. Especially when creators don't talk about it or if it's supposed to be up to the viewer/reader/player.

That's fine. Unless you make them out of character for your own enjoyment and no one elses! There is… a very… VERY disturbing fan fiction. I wouldn't even read such a thing, I had to listen to Bennett the Sage read it, and even then I was repulsed. Guys, DON'T read the fanfic I'm about to mention unless you have a strong stomach or if you're messed up in the head! I'm serious! "Cloud Mows the Lawn". By someone named Rasso. OH DINGO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! I'm not gonna tell you what's in it, but know that it is GROSS, and I can think of only two people who'd enjoy it! Those two people would be the "2 Girls 1 Cup" ladies!

…

Randy: Why do I mention this… abomination? Because in this fic, Cloud and Tifa (and Aerith) are massively out of character! They act in ways that they would not do in the game! Tifa in FFVII and Tifa in this mindscrew are two different characters! Name, appearance, and history are just a coincidence! Don't twist the characters into your own versions of them just to fulfill your SICK fantasies!

…

Sometimes people love a character so much that they'll find ways to justify their actions. "Vaati set Kakariko Village on fire and kidnapped the maidens? It's not his fault, he had a traumatic childhood!" Or, "It's not his fault, the power of the Minish Cap made him evil!" Nice try. Vaati's evil, deal with it! Now everyone, prepare to take notes! Note that fans will only justify a villain if they're cool - to boys - or if they're attractive - to girls. Having silver/white hair helps. It just goes to show that looks matter, if you look good then the fans are on your side. … I think I'm gonna be sick! That's wrong! Now I will admit that sometimes a villain has good reasons behind their actions, but plenty of times they don't and even then evil isn't the answer! Don't make the obvious bad guy look like a good guy! Unless it's a point of view fic, and even then if their views are explainable! Or if it's a humor fic.

…

Randy: We're now going into the main part of this rant - girls (and sometimes boys) who put themselves in their own stories! Take notes!

…

You may or may not be familiar with my sig:
"I wish I had a dollar for every time a girl writes fan fiction that's about the author or her OC being sucked into the show/book/game the that fic's about."

Surfing around on Fanfiction.Net, it's uncanny how many fan fiction authors have the EXACT SAME IDEAS. Now granted, some of these are subverted and even when they're not, some are pulled off well. But this is a tired idea that usually means that a Mary Sue is not far behind! Check this out, I'm using real examples from Fanfiction.Net! If you're one of these authors and have a problem with me using you as an example, let me know and I'll remove it later. I'm not saying your story's bad, I'm saying it's a tired idea. And a lot of times, they have themselves or a character who clearly represents themselves become in a relationship with a character that the author most likely has a bit of a thing for. Examples:

"Saia is a normal girl, but will soon encounter a man and become something unique."
An Assassin's Creed fic, by Puthetik

"The young girl Seyana has a normal life. An incredibly normal life. But that is all about to change when she encounters the most legendary figure in Hyrule."
A Zelda fic, by Seyra Analaka Everette

"Teagan Blue is just another normal girl from Kansas City.... until she gets sucked into a game. Please RR"
A Tomb Raider fic, by Rionarayne

"Skye is a normal village girl, who dreams of becoming a guardian. This is HER story. OCxAuron"
A Final Fantasy X fic, by marnariddle
(Look at how she pairs her own character up romantically with Auron. This is not good. Unless done right, and even then it's still a bad idea!)

"A normal girl, a normal life... At least that would be what one would think. She didn't think there was anything special about her. That was until the day she happened to meet Axel. 'All I knew was that it made me happy when he waved.'"
A Kingdom Hearts fic, by half demon-kai
(From the sounds of it, Ms. Kai has a thing for Axel.)

"Amber is just a normal girl with normal friends until she and her best friend have a HUGE fight. Not long after she discovers that she is one of the Keyblade masters. She goes on a journey that leads her to love and tragedy."
Another Kingdom Hearts fic, by Amber9493
(First giving herself the exclusive title of Keyblade master, second not even changing her name!)

"An epic tale about a normal teenage girl who gets sucked in to the final fantasy 7 world and her life is no longer the same."
A Final Fantasy VII fic, by Arluxa

…

Randy: Is that enough for you? SERIOUSLY! We could start a whole new genre of fan fictions with all these "normal girls" or "supposedly normal girls" getting sucked into the universe of their desire! And these were only some of the video game examples! Just search "normal girl" on Fanfiction.Net like I did and you'll see! And they're all teenage girls! I bet at least half of them have a name that they probably share with the author!

…

The second part of my sig. This one's a smaller complaint.
" And one extra quarter for each time an author says they're bad at summaries."
Let's see…

"CloTi..i suck @ summaries."
A Cloud/Tifa romantic fic by lolitaxox.
Yes, using a name portmanteau as the only summary isn't good. You have the option of telling which characters this is about in the site's story description thing, so your summary is redundant. Yeah you do suck at this summary, but you still get an idea across of what it's about so don't be so hard on yourself.

To keep from being redundant I'll just tell you my overall findings. I searched "suck at summaries" on that website. 17,970 RESULTS. DOES NO ONE HAVE ANY CONFIDENCE IN THEIR SUMMARIZING ABILITIES?! I bet half don't even try! Back on Lemmy's Land when a good summary isn't thought of, you do without!

…

Randy: Earlier I mentioned "normal" girls pairing up with characters. Class it's finally time we got to the main part of the rant. We're gonna talk about Mary Sue and her brother Marty Stu! I could wrap up this subject right now and tell you the short version of what a Mary Sue is. But that's not fun and anyone who follows my rants knows that you like to see me blow up about details. So I'll do you one better and post the long version and the short version. Long first!

…

They usually act a lot like the authoress. But if they don't, they'll be what the girl wants to be. So is little writer Renee a sassy, vegan, pro-life, conservative Semite? Well Renee's character is a sassy, vegan, pro-life, conservative Semite who is also slim, well endowed, has the hair that writer Renee always wanted, an animal body part (optional), and has any/a certain/every boy wrapped around her finger! All the other characters agree with Renee's points of view on ANYTHING. If they don't then either it's really unimportant or they'll be wrong later! They also have a relationship with a character. Class take out your notes. As you'll notice, more often than not the Mary Sue will be in a relationship with a good looking character. Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth? Yep Renee is going to a concert with each of them! Barrett, Cid, or Heidegger? Who are they! Another example of how good looks get the audience on your side! This will be on the test.

Renee/Mary/(cool name) will also get her way with anything. She will fight you for it and she will win, because this is her world and the canon characters are just living in it! Renee is good at everything. Swimming, eating, running, writing, science, abridging, playing music, reviewing game stories, driving, flying, sailing, strategizing, martial arts, EVERYTHING! She usually picks up the skill the moment she starts for the first time, even better than seasoned veterans! She's "a natural"! Solid Snake is a great mercenary/spy? Well Renee can do it even better on the first day on the job! Likely without even training! And if she doesn't have a fault, then it's not really a fault or it gets fixed! They can probably also speak a foreign language if not Japanese. And by Japanese, I mean saying "baka", "kawaii", "desu" or some other simple word!

Oh here's a surprise - Renee's an orphan with a tragic back story and she thinks that whatever happened was her fault! Expect Renee to angst about it. And any time she lashes out at her boyfriend Ichigo from Bleach, it's not her fault no matter how out of line she was - her sad past excuses her! She might believe it to be something she caused (did or not everyone sympathizes with her) and she'll even have a nifty trinket to tote around that her parents owned because either she's in a prophecy or it's a symbol to reveal that she's a princess! No, better - a princess from another planet of which she's the last of her kind!

…

Randy: Renee is still a normal girl though! As normal as a girl who's good at everything with blue hair and the throne of another planet can be! … Yeah it doesn't work. And sheesh, with all this crap I could write MY OWN Mary Sue story! And I'm not someone who would! Just so you know by the way, these characters are just about never older than their early 20s. And if they do go beyond that age, they certainly didn't start the fan fiction that way! Physically at least… She could be 1000...

…

She's got a sweet ride too! Why, I didn't know they had hover boards during the ancient times of Hyrule! I sure wish I had one! But no Renee is awesome, she deserves to have it! And look at this! The author's favorite TV shows, movies, books, bands, and websites are all in easy reach! And all in Ike's homeland Tellius of all places!

She won't have… intimate moments unless they're incredibly mind blowing. They will be with said good-looking hero/villain. It's not uncommon for the bad guy to become good due to her! So let's see… Bishounen McCrazyhair will drop his canon girlfriend for Renee for one of many reasons. The ex will now either hate Renee forever and be a pathetic rival, the ex will sadly but willingly let her beloved be happy, or the ex won't mind and will be BFFs with Renee (unless the writer Renee hates the girl). That's pretty much the same as a Squall fan girl saying "SCREW RINOA, I'M BETTER!" It is what they're doing, don't deny it.

Whenever something goes wrong with the world, Renee will be the first one to notice. Like before, she's right. If it's only a prediction and other people doubt her - they're wrong. Also SHE is the one who has to fix the problem. But don't worry, she'll fix it and fix it with flying colors! With such a special character, she gets special treatment! Certain rules don't apply to her! She's the only Hylian soldier not wearing armor but instead wearing whatever the heck she feels like, and it will be fashionable! But hey, she's the new soldier captain, so why not?!

Someone is likely to die, and if Renee won't do it for everyone else, then someone will do it for Renee. Most of the time the reader wishes Renee would die, except if Renee does die, then everyone would mourn and maybe even kill themselves just to be with her! Even in death, we can't escape the black hole of a girl that Renee was! I don't know what's worse, that or if writer Renee did a cop out and revived her character!

If Renee ISN'T a space princess furrie half-elf and much more of the "normal girl" the writer claims her to be, there will STILL be something that sets Renee apart from other human girls!

…

Randy: Sometimes using the same name is just too boring or obvious. So let's think of other ways to name your wish-fulfillment character!

-Name symbolic of your powers - in another language maybe
-Name symbolic of one of your favorite things - in another language maybe
-Named after something you deem cool enough, like a pretty bird
-Named after a generic Goth thing
-Named anything at all in Japanese

Randy: Have fun reading about Renee/Gravita/Sapphire/Swan/Raven/Yukiko. I know I won't!

…

Short Version:
You know the main girl in My Immortal or My Inner Life? Everything about her personality, presence, behavior, and love life is what a Mary Sue is, more or less. There. Marty Stu is just the same, but male.

…

Randy: If you're just starting out, then accidentally creating a Mary Sue/Marty Stu is forgivable. But if you keep going and willingly keep her the same, then you've got a problem! Some of the most famous fictional characters are considered by some to be Mary Sues/Marty Stus. But you know why they work? Because their creators know what they're doing and they'll do things right! YOU on the other hand just want to make out with Riku! It's sickening! And you know what else?! On top of everything they have the GALL to think that all this talent/beauty/attention is a CURSE! If your character suffers from being so perfect then don't bother writing her that way! I'm Randy Reeve Viewer and-

P.T. and Cameraman walk in.

P.T.: That wasn't much of a rant.

Randy: How did you even know-

Cameraman: Come on man, don't cheat the readers.

Randy: Well what can I do but give details?! I can't ask why someone would create a Mary Sue, it's obvious! All that's left is to tell people why they're bad! … Oh… (to you) Mary Sues are bad because not only do they go against the creators' ideas of their book/movie/etc. but they're just annoying, boring, obnoxious, and predictable to read about! I'm Randy Reeve Viewer and people like Renee are a plague on fandom!

Hoodle: Not so fast! I just wrote a story where-

Camerawoman's voice: Begone!

Hoodle appears in the cornfield.

Hoodle: Curses!

Back with Randy…

Randy: How did you-

Camerawoman's voice: Because this is MY world and I wrote Hoodle out of the story! Now either you or P.T. will make out with me, because Cameraman is ugly! Right after I tell you about my home planet.

Randy: We don't care if you're hot, you have no place here!

Camerwoman's voice: Randy don't be a baka!

Randy/P.T./Cameraman: NOOOOOOOOOO-

Randy wakes up in a bed.

Randy: That was weird…

Hoodle: Yeah you were out for a while.

Randy: Umm….

Randy wakes up in the cornfield.

Randy: NOOOOOOOOOOO-

…

MY ACTUAL OPINION:
Seriously, it's an awful thing to do unless you're starting out. Also in case anyone's wondering, I just made up Renee, she's not a real example.

…

P.T.'s voice: Hi kids! I'm here to answer your questions about Mary Sue!

Question - Why doesn't Mary Sue die?

Answer - Because that'd be the end of the story. How many of their stories do you know that keeps going after she dies?

Question - How come it's always the same people who hook up with Mary Sue?

Answer - Because they're good looking.

P.T.'s voice: That's all the questions for this rant!