Hotel Stupid

Hotel Stupid

Mario and Luigi are walking. Bowser appears behind some rocks and does an evil, echo-y laugh.

Mario: Nice of the Princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Luigi?

Luigi (in Mario’s voice): No.

Mario holds up a knife.

Luigi: Uh I mean – I hope she made lotsa spaghetti!

Mario: Luigi, look!

The “camera” pans over to a big basket with a balloon in a field. Someone rises from the basket.

Person: Hello there! I am Dr. Rabbit, the world’s only rabbit dentist! I am-

The balloon explodes.

Mario: Luigi, look!

The “camera” pans over to some kid destroying his keyboard.

Kid: (yelling in German)

The keyboard is decimated.

Mario: Luigi, look!

The “camera” pans over to a note on a door. Mario picks it up and reads it.

Mario: Dear Pesky Plumbers, Duke Onklet is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon! I’m going to Gamelon to aid him. If you don’t hear from me in a month, send Link. My ship sails in the morning… I wonder what’s for dinner.

Mario looks to Luigi.

Mario: We gotta find the Princess!

Luigi (in Sonic the Hedgehog’s voice): That’s no good!

Mario: If you need instructions on how to get through (old mans’ voice) the Island of Koridai (normal voice), check out the enclosed instruction book.

Later that day, Mario and Luigi walk up to a tree.

Mario: Looks kind of (Link’s voice) boring around here.

Luigi: Looks are deceiving when (different voice) Ganon and his minions (normal voice) are involved.

Mario and Luigi do a High Jump and end up on the other side of the tree in a different place. Morton Koopa Jr. runs away and apples grow on the tree.

Mario: Hey, Princess!

Peach falls out of the tree and Roy Koopa catches her and runs off to a hotel and runs up a wall.

Mario (to Roy in a deep voice): YOU MUST DIE!

Luigi: How are we gonna find the Princess with the power going out?

Mario: Maybe there’s a switch in the hotel! Remind me to check.

Luigi: (in Mario’s voice): No.

Inside, they find a kitchen with tons of toasters being used at once.

Mario: Aha, too many toasters! You know what they say: Early to bed, early to catch the worm. Or was it the bagel?

Luigi (in Mario's voice): No.

Mario: You know what they say: All toasters toast toast!

Mario pulls the plug and toast comes flying up (through the roof). Later, Mario finishes hammering a board onto the side of the hotel. It says “lulz, pwn’d” on it.

Mario: That oughta do it!

The plumbers notice Peach on a pipe nearby, but then she falls in.

Mario: She couldn’t run to us while there was time? Where’d she go?

Luigi points behind them to a cave. The two approach.

Mario: Gee it’s kind of (some guy’s voice) illegal, you know.

Luigi: You bring (other guy’s voice) rope?

Mario: No.

Luigi: Maybe a koopa will lend us his, if we (old man’s voice) conquer each.

Mario: No.

Luigi (in Link’s voice): I guess I’d better get going.

Inside, Mario walks up to a ceiling pipe in the ceiling and gets sucked up.

Mario: Uh-oh.

He tumbles through and lands somewhere.

Mario: Where am I?

Later the two run out of the cave and it blows up and Peach goes flying.

Mario: Get ready to catch her!

Luigi: … She’s not coming down!

Mario: She’s up there!

Mario points. The “camera” pans over to two guys.

Link: What are all those heads?

Gwonam: These are the Faces of Evil. You must conquer each.

Mario: She’s up there!

Mario points to a hotel in the sky. Luigi kicks a block and a vine grows for them to climb.

Mario: It’s hard to see through those clouds, I hope we can get rid of them. Get the hint?

Luigi (in Dr. Robotnik's voice): NO!

Later, the brothers and Peach run out of the hotel and turn a fan on. Lemmy starts chasing them.

Mario: Hey you, get off my cloud!

The clouds are blown away with Lemmy on them. Peach then disappears.

Mario: It’s been one of those days… Come on, Luigi!

Luigi: That’s Mama Luigi to you, Mario!

They make it down to the ground and find a castle.

Mario: (in a singer’s voice): I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

The door disappears and reappears.

Mario: Whoa. Hurry!

Shortly after that, they run out and the castle implodes.

Mario: Spoooky. Where’s the Princess?

Luigi: Over there!

Luigi points to the Overthere.

Mario: Where’s the Princess?

Luigi: Over there!

Luigi points to two other guys.

Volcano: Busy day, Alan?

Dinosaur (Alan): Yes! I’m planning to snuff out all the saber-tooth tigers, and the plotting involved is astronomical! I’m already up to my ears in graphs, charts, and flow diagrams – and I’ve only got a brain the size of a pea!

Volcano: How do you do it Alan? Do you perhaps drink new Volvic Revive?

Mario: Where’s the Princess?

Luigi: Over there!

They approach “there”.

Luigi: Look! Wendy’s hotel!

Mario: Be careful, when you pinch Wendy’s pennies, they pinch back.

Later they come out.

Mario: That wasn’t so hard, was it?

The hotel disappears and Peach shows up.

Peach: Boys!

She disappears and at the same time, Bowser laughs like in the beginning.

Luigi: That’s that creepy (another voice) Dr. Rabbit’s (normal voice) laugh…

Mario: Look!

The “camera” pans over to some guy in a weird setting.

Some guy: LEAVE HER ALONE! YOU’RE LUCKY SHE EVEN PERFORMS FOR YOU- (Baby Yoshi’s voice) Caterpillars!

Mario: Look!

King: After you’ve scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about (another voice) SPARTA!

Mario: Look!

They see Bowser’s hotel. The Mario Bros. come up to it.

Mario: This is it, Luigi! Remember, where there’s smoke-

Luigi: There’s - lotsa spaghetti!

Mario: No.

Luigi: There’s fire.

Mario: No. They pinch back.

They go in. Later they come out with Peach and the hotel blows up, turning the setting back into a normal Mushroom Kingdom setting.

Peach: Thanks to you two I can safely rule (another voice) Youtube Poop. (normal voice) Free from the terrible Koopa Klan.

Peach gives Mario a peck on the cheek. Then she does the same with Luigi.

Mario (in monstrous voice): YOU MUST DIE!

Mario punches Luigi. As he does this, you can hear a deep voice say “die”.

Peach: And thanks, to you too.

They walk a few ways (except Luigi, who’s still on the ground in pain).

Mario and Peach: You’re the best Deviant ever!

You: For reals?

Mario and Peach: No.

You: …

The End.