Chapter 19: All (Shroob) Things
The gang made it back from Waluigi’s Island and then headed to the Star Carnival, where the last member of the Bowling Team of Doom (MC Ballyhoo) resided. After a very long search for him that quite possibly could drive a man mad, they found him. Ballyhoo then accidentally defeated himself and sucked the whole Star Carnival (and himself) into Subspace. And just when our heroes thought they were done, Princess Shroob returned!
Everyone stood there, shocked at Princess Shroob’s return.
P.T.: Oh no! Mrs. Butterworth, what should we do?
He pulls out a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth syrup.
Mrs. Butterworth: You need to buy more pancakes!
P.T. throws her over his shoulder, off the cliff, and ignores her screams.
P.T.: She’s right. Come on guys, we gotta go get six orders of pancakes!
Rufus: Hello, do you NOT see the crazy alien chick in front of us?
P.T.: Oh, my bad. Seven orders of pancakes!
Rufus hits his head on a tree.
Princess Shroob: *@)&%*@#&%_@ (Well I did skip breakfast…)
Fin: Oh, and I need to steal something!
The three get into a car and P.T. drives it off a cliff and then jumps out, leaving Fin and Princess Shroob to crash.
Fin: I’m back! I don’t know how…
Purple: Well she’s been taken care of rather quickly. We should probably tell Gadd.
At his lab…
Gadd: Hmm, so you finally took care of the Bowling Team of Doom? And…?
Purple: We did it! We saved the world from the Bowling Team of Doom!
Gadd: And what’s your point?
???: Mail call!
Purple goes to get the mail.
Dear Pesky Plumbers,
My seven Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom. And the princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven hotels! I dare you to find her if you can.
Purple: We gotta find the princess!
Rufus: (to you, yes you) And you gotta help us!
Purple: If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book.
Everyone Else: …
Yux: What was that?!
Purple: I have no idea. Oh, there’s something written at the bottom.
Turn it over… Idiots.
He turns it over.
We seem to be having trouble with your planet and our kingdom so we’ve invited you to Shroob City so we can talk this out. Plus we’ve relocated everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom to this city because- well because! Now come or we’ll bomb your planet!
Purple: When did they do this? And how are you still here if they took everyone?
Gadd: Don’t question plot holes! Now it looks like we’ll have to all go together!
P.T.: Why are you coming?
There's a dinging of a tiny bell outside. Everyone goes outside to find an 8-seated tandem bike with a Shroob in the front seat.
Everyone: … Uhhhh…
Purple: All right, let’s go.
They all get on the bike and ride up to a giant, floating city in the sky.
Luigi: Wait, how’d that get there?!
They get to the entrance. They try to enter the main city but a Guardian Shroob stops them.
Guardian Shroob: Read the sign!
Everyone turns over to the sign:
Welcome to Shroob City! If you want to enter, you have to give us something important to you! Enjoy our Shroob cuisine and talk to all the locals! See all the statues of our dictators- Er, royal family! Even go to the Vim Labs and pet the Swiggler! Enjoy your stay, ‘cause you’ll never leave ever again! So have fun (or perish)!
Purple: Okay, what do we sacrifice?
Suddenly everyone turns to Luigi.
Luigi throws in his Infinite Block from that one chapter before, and they’re then allowed into the city. They then pass a giant statue of what looks like Elder Princess Shroob, only male, bigger, and with a crown and a goatee.
Fin: Ew, what’s that?
Then the statue comes to life!
King Shroob Statue: 100,000,000/100,000,000
Purple: Aw crud!
Purple uses Axe! 1 damage!
Purple: Double crud!
Rufus: Wait, I found a Smart Bomb!
Peppy Hare: Use bombs wisely!
Wolf O'Donnell: Can’t let you do that, Star Fox!
Rufus: … Ignoring that.
Rufus throws the Smart Bomb! 99, 999,900 damage!
P.T. uses Golden Hammer! 1 damage!
Luigi uses Super Jump! 2 damage!
King Shroob Statue uses Kick on Purple! 50 damage!
King Shroob Statue: 96/100,000,000
Purple switches Rufus out for Fin!
Fin uses Steal! Fin steals 95 HP from King Shroob Statue!
P.T. uses Boomerang! 2 damage!
King Shroob Statue is defeated!
Yux: That was weird.
They head up to a giant castle.
Rufus: Hey guards, let us in!
Guardian Shroobs: Not by the hairs on our chinny chin-
Luigi: Wait, there was another one of us…
Meanwhile at McShroob’s…
Shroob Waitress: Here’s your order!
She hands P.T. a burger and then Hamburglar takes it!
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble!
P.T.: Hey, I wanna tell you something.
P.T. punches Hamburglar in the nose, causing him to faint. He then takes his burger back and starts eating.
P.T.: Robble that!
Back with the others…
Yux: Eh, he always comes back.
Luigi: Shut up, Yux.
Yux: I hate you all.
P.T.: I’m back!
They enter the building to find…
Rufus: … McYold’s?
They go to the counter.
Purple: We were told that the Shroob royal family was here. Where are they?
Cashier: You have to order first!
Purple: … I order you to tell me where they are.
Cashier: In the door on the left in the elevator, that’s how you’ll reach them.
Purple: Thank you.
Fin: And I’ll have a number two combo meal!
One lunch later, they go in the room and up to the 25th floor.
Luigi: Why’d we stop?
Purple: Maybe it’s one of those video game plot devices where if you try to ride all the way up, it’ll break and you have to go the long way, at least until the next elevator, which will put you in similar situations over and over until you get to the top. And since we stopped at the 25th floor, the next one will stop at the 50th, and so on until we’re at the top.
Everyone Else: What?
Purple: Yeah, I majored in Plotology in College.
Everyone Else: Oh.
They go and find a hallway with bathroom doors.
Fin: Oh thank DAD! I was holding that slushy from the first floor in for hours!
P.T.: I still can’t believe it took you that long to eat lunch.
Fin goes through a door and finds a crazy Swiggler.
Fin: All right, sorry!
Fin closes the door and then the Swigger bursts through the door and eats Fin.
Yux: He was useless anyway.
The Swiggler then charges for the rest of them.
Swiggler: Gah! My ears! I mean… roar? Aw forget it.
Swiggler spits Fin out and walks away.
Rufus: This is getting stupid. And why do I feel as if some of us aren’t getting enough lines?
Fin goes into the next door to find it’s the elevator.
Fin: What kind of elevator needs to use the toilet?!
Purple: Did you say elevator? Come on, guys!
One bathroom break later, they go up to the 50th floor. A little girl Shroob is waiting.
LGS: Bwahaha, it’s me, Princess Shroob!
Yux: No you’re not.
LGS: Shut up! I’m a different Princess Shroob! There are many royal Shroobs in this family!
Little Princess Shroob: Shut up! If the monster a few floors below didn’t tip you off, I’ll tell you. We’re trying to kill you! But…
A spotlight glows on LPS.
LPS: I don’t want to fight. I have all the money and toys and stuff that I can ask for… But I don’t have any… friends!
P.T. knocks her into a wall.
P.T.: No sob stories!
LPS: Uh-uh-uh! If you’re mean to me I won’t let you into the elevator! You’ll have to play with me!
Purple: Uh, huddle!
The group huddle together.
P.T.: Can I have the ball for this play? I never get it!
Purple: Ok- Wait, we’re not playing football! Okay, this sounds easy, we just have to entertain her and we’ll continue. Piece of cake!
Falco Lombardi: Piece of cake!
Purple: Who are you?
Falco: Hands off my bread!
Falco runs away.
Luigi: That was funny!
Rufus: It wasn't! And focus!
Purple: Aaaand break!
They break out of the huddle.
Yux: All right, we’ll play.
P.T. walks up closer with a square covered in a cloth.
P.T.: We’ll start by learning about-
He pulls it off to reveal a picture of hard times.
P.T.: The Great Depression! Yay!
Luigi punches him into a wall.
Luigi: That’s no way to entertain a little girl!
Fin: That’s right! Now, little girl, if you can guess the magic word, you’ll get a snack!
LPS: Oh boy whatisitwhatisitwhatisit-
Fin starts being a mime in a box.
LPS: You’re in a box?
Fin: That’s right! And you win… Sardine Jerky!
Luigi kicks him into a pile of teddy bears.
Luigi: You’re no better!
Rufus: Gee Luigi, what makes you the king of taking care of kids?
Luigi: That’s Mama Luigi to you, Rufus!
Rufus: … I’m going to ignore that.
Fin bursts out of the pile.
Fin: You’re right. Now for something different! It’s time to learn about the finer points of burglary!
Luigi hammers him underground.
LPS: YOU’RE ALL LAME!
Rufus: Uh- Here’s Yux!
He throws Yux to LPS.
LPS: Ew, it’s creepy! What does it do?
Rufus: Uh, anything. Except be tolerable.
Yux: I hate you all!
LPS takes out a twig and puts gum at the end and then sticks it in Yux’s back and then holds it all up and spins Yux around.
LPS: Ooh! All right, you can go!
Yux: I’m not a pinwheel!
LPS: Shut up!
Purple, Luigi, and Rufus head up the elevator to find a teenage male Shroob in casual-formal clothes.
Shroob: Welcome to the 75th floor, yo! I’m Prince Shroob and you’re about to be served!
Rufus: You’re not as cool as you sound, you know that?
Prince Shroob: Shut up!
Prince Shroob pulls out a flattened cardboard box and one of his nerdy friends plays a boombox and the song that plays when you fight King Kaliente starts. Prince Shroob then does incredibly amazing breakdance moves.
Prince Shroob: Top that!
Purple: Uh, which one of us can dance?
Luigi: Ooh, me! I was in DDR: Mario Mix!
Purple: Go crazy.
Luigi starts breakdancing, surprisingly better than Prince Shroob. Then he tops it off with a cooler and faster version of the dance he does when he uses Negative Zone in Brawl. The music speeds up as Prince Shroob starts flashing red and dances even better.
Luigi keeps trying to dance better, and throws in some Thunderhand tricks to make him look better. Prince Shroob then dances even better and even starts rapping in his native tongue.
Luigi: Oh forget it!
Luigi takes the boombox from the prince’s friend and smashes it on Prince Shroob’s head, knocking him out.
Luigi: You got served!
Rufus: Go home.
The friend leaves. The boombox comes back to life as a zombie boombox when Dino Piranha’s theme plays, for the Swiggler is back!
Purple: Oh no!
Swiggler: I’M BACK! ROOOOAR!
Swiggler charges for the heroes but they all scatter. Luigi hides behind a wall with graffiti on it.
Luigi: He’ll never find me here!
Swiggler: Who are you talking to?
Luigi: Uh… MOMMY!
Luigi runs from the Swiggler. Purple gets on his back and rides him.
Purple: Easy there!
Purple is on the back segment. He slowly navigates to the front.
Luigi: Take your time, no worries!
Purple makes it to the antenna and then cuts it off. The music speeds up and Swiggler turns red!
Purple: Oh boy.
He’s faster and Purple is flung off into the wall.
???: Super Fist of the Nose Hair-
Swiggler stops and looks.
Swiggler: Oh no!
P.T. rows by in a gondola, knocking Swiggler and the boombox into the wall and finishing them both.
P.T.: -Gondola Tour!
Luigi: Where’d you get the boat?
P.T.: Nonya! Oh, and I found these two.
He picks up Fin and Yux.
P.T.: Now let’s leave before the girl comes back for revenge.
Rufus: Sounds good.
Luigi: Where were you?
Rufus: Unlike you, I was hiding in a good hiding spot!
They find and wake Purple up and then they go into the elevator to the throne room. A Shroid is there.
Shroid: BEEP! DIE!
Six more Shroids appear and start shooting lasers.
Everyone runs around and the Shroids keep shooting. Fin appears on one of their heads and pulls out a screwdriver!
Fin unscrews one of their arms (the one with the laser) and takes it for himself. He then aims it down and blasts the Shroid into scrap metal, but the blast knocks him into the ceiling. But he crashes into another Shroid, defeating that one too.
Purple runs by one and tries to slash it, but his axe only makes a dent.
The Shroid then starts charging up a laser, when Yux breathes fire on it and melts it.
P.T.: This is not the one you’re looking for.
Shroid: BEEP! THIS IS NOT THE ONE I’M LOOKING FOR!
P.T.: You’d much rather die.
Shroid: BEEP! I’D MUCH RATHER DIE!
P.T.: You want to make a suicide pact with your friend over there.
Shroid: BEEP! DIE, BILLY!
Billy: BEEP! SELF DEFENSE!
Both: I’M A FIRIN’ MAH LAZAR!
They both kill each other.
Rufus gulps one up but it starts attacking him on the inside, so he spits it out. Luigi tries to hit it with his hammer, but no luck.
Luigi: Now what?
The Koopa Bros. battle theme plays as a black shell drops from the sky and breaks a Shroid. A green one does the same. Two more appear and the Koopa Bros. come out and do their pose.
Koopa Bros.: HERE COME THE KOOPA BROS.!
Rufus: How long is this chapter gonna be?!
Red: The king guy wanted us to deal with you, so watch out. You’ll get your saddle handed to you!
They stack up and shell toss for Rufus, but he sidesteps and they head for Purple. But he then jumps up and knocks Black’s shell away, causing Red’s to go flying. It bounces off the wall and Rufus eats it and spits it out at the throne, knocking Red out.
Rufus: What’s that about my saddle? BURN!
The shell stack is now after Luigi, but Luigi high jumps so it passes by and heads for P.T., who’s holding his Golden Hammer steady. He swings it and knocks both shells into the wall, getting rid of the two of them.
Black: … Where am I? Oh yeah. DIE!
Black shell tosses after Yux, but Yux breathes fire on him. But he slides through the flames and becomes a flaming shell that knocks Yux out. It bounces off the wall and chases after Fin. The shell zips around the room, and everyone nervously dodges. Purple notices the detached Shroid laser arm and throws it at the shell, knocking it into a hole in the ground. The song fades.
Luigi: Wait, if they worked for the Shroob guys, why did they defeat the robots?
Before anyone can think, King Shroob appears! He looks as the statue did, but you can tell now that his facial hair is orange.
King Shroob: Well done, fools. You’ve managed to defeat my oldest daughters and the Swiggler, outdance my son, distract my youngest daughter, dismantle all my Shroids, and defeat the Koopa Bros.
P.T.: Thank you, Captain Recap.
King Shroob: … Shut up!
Purple: Wait, where’d Gadd go? Wasn’t he with us at the start of the chapter?
Gadd: I’m still right here. Nobody noticed me though.
Purple: Oh… Weird. So you wanted to talk to us?
King Shroob: You’re not letting us conquer your world, so we tried hijacking one of your towns, but that didn’t work! So we had to build our own town and fill it with all your kingdom’s residents!
Luigi: Look, we’re not allowing you to take over our world!
King Shroob: In that case you’ll all die!
A big Shroob UFO lowers and King Shroob hops in and it grows spider legs.
P.T.: Oh, what, the big, powerful king with a whole army is too lazy to attack us directly?
The UFO shoots a laser at P.T.
P.T.: Never mind.
It starts moving about the room and shooting at everyone else. The laser gun is again picked up, now by Rufus, who shoots it at the UFO, but that fails. He then throws it at the UFO, followed by more eggs, but the UFO then throws mini bombs at Rufus, knocking him out. Fin finds Red Ninjakoopa passed out on the throne and throws him at the UFO, but it sucks him up in a tractor beam and then spits him out down the hole Black went down.
Fin: Oh crud.
The UFO then sucks up Fin in a tractor beam and also spits him out the hole. P.T. then comes up with a clipboard and a false mustache.
P.T.: Hmm, these legs aren’t up to code! Look at the termite damage! And the paint is hideous! We need to pimp this ride!
A leg kicks P.T. down the hole. Luigi pulls Green Ninjakoopa out of the wall and stuffs him into his shell and throws him at the UFO, disabling one leg. But then the shell starts sliding around, so the UFO retracts its legs and starts hovering around. Luigi keeps jumping and hammering and shooting thunder and green fireballs, but they bounce off and send Luigi flying into the hole. Rufus wakes up and does what Luigi did to Green, but with Yellow Ninjakoopa.
Purple: I don’t think that’ll work without the spider legs.
Rufus: Just watch!
Rufus throws the shell at the ceiling and it slams down on top of the UFO, grounding it. King Shroob comes out and kicks Yellow’s shell into the hole.
King Shroob: That’s it! I’m too old to fight directly-
Rufus: But you look so healthy.
King Shroob: It’s a cardboard cutout.
He turns to the side to reveal on the other side of the cutout is a weak, old body.
Purple: How’d we not notice?
King Shroob: So now I’m getting into my Absolutely Super Safe Barrier TM!
Rufus: I wasn’t listening, how safe is it?
Ignoring him, King Shroob goes to an X on the ground and then four walls rise around him, topped with a ceiling. We can’t see what he’s doing so we have to go by what he says he’s doing.
King Shroob: Bwahaha! Try attacking now!
Purple: … First try to attack us.
King Shroob: Okay, I think I may have a laser gun handy.
King Shroob: OW! It bounced off the wall and… I’m stuck in here. And I’m too weak to attack the wall! I’m trapped forever! Well, not unless somebody presses the button near the throne. NOOOO!!! Well there’s one last trick I have left!
The throne slides over and a Subspace Bomb appears!
Gadd: Oh dear.
Purple: What’s with all the Subspace Bombs?!
King Shroob: I might be doomed but you’re going down as well!
Gadd: GET TO THE CHOPPA! NAO!
Rufus: Yeeeah… Anyway, it’s gonna take us forever to get out of here, and even then we need to find the others!
Purple: Uh, down the hole!
Everyone heads into the hole and hops down. They land in a giant garbage pile. Soon they manage to wake everyone up.
Gadd: Quick, maybe there’s something down that hall!
They all run down the hall and find a big tunnel that leads out, but they’re stuck on a platform.
Luigi: Now what?!
Fin: (like Captain Falcon) Come on!
The Falcon Flyer appears.
Luigi: How did- You stole it, right?
Everyone hops aboard and it starts flying away. But Swiggler starts following, with big alien wings. He starts spitting meteors at the ship. He’s still red, but his antenna is taped back together.
Gadd: I could’ve sworn we all got rid of him!
Fin: How’d he grow wings?
Purple: Well since normal Wigglers can…
P.T.: I’ll handle this!
P.T. goes up to the top of the Flyer and throws Yux like a shuriken, and Yux flies so fast that he sends Swiggler into the wall and stabs his antenna into Swiggler as he pins him down. Then the Falcon Flyer finally escapes in time and lands on the beach.
Gadd: Well that was exciting! Too exciting! I can see why the author wanted me to stay at the lab instead of follow you!
P.T.: I thought it was your choice.
Gadd: Stop talking.
Yux: Hey guys, I managed to escape in the nick of time!
Luigi: Nobody cares.
Yux: Oh, and all that excitement caused me to get the ability to Randomize again!
Luigi: Still not caring.
Purple: What do we do?! Everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom except for us is in there!
Gadd: Uh, guys? My Tracker thing I only just told you about has bad news for us! It seems with the sudden activity of Subspace, it caused lots of previous areas that were bombed to go back into their bombed states!
Purple: That’s cheap and all-around stupid.
Gadd: I don’t care!